We open with Heather and Aviva discussing why Ramona wasn’t invited to London. Heather states she’s not a mean girl.
She’s right. Heather is not a mean girl – she’s an ugly girl. God love her, she has her original nose, gapped teeth, and her own tits. Heather made her bones by not conforming – as she says, “I could give a shit”. And good for her. Heather is the Sarah Jessica Parker of this season – beautiful eyes, horse-faced, whippet-thin body, and actual ability beyond cattiness.
Transition to LuAnne. The “Countess” is trying to conceive. So, being a serious European (by way of the ass -end of Connecticut), she heads to an acupuncturist. Bien sur!
Back to Heather, this time toting Jax to discuss his organ transplant. God help us all if this is her real specialist – the guy sounds like he smokes 4 packs a day!
Sonja continues to attention-whore her way through bankruptcy, flirting with Aviva over dinner. A discussion of RAMONA IS SUCH A BITCH! follows. Next, a totally obvious plug where Aviva asks Sonja to “Sonja in the City” her party. Annnnnd now we know why Aviva made the cut – Sonja pulled her onboard, and this girl is playing ball.
Sonja needs interns because she runs a five-story house. On the Upper East Side, this is known as a mansion – in Brooklyn, it’s known as a rowhouse. Her interns have the privileged stink and cow-like gaze of NYU General Studies students. I’m sure their parents truly do feel lucky to pay thousands of dollars each semester to help shove fat pork up the fat pig’s ass.
We are then subjected to Carole, aka Princess Married Up, on a blind date. He sounds Israeli when he’s intelligible, and she relates her tragic story of
plugging her book becoming a widow. We then discover Mr. Falafel Mouth is trying to pass himself off as 31. Sadly, I choked on my cocktail at this point, and missed the rest of the scene.
Plug city in the next scene, where Heather drags Aviva, Carole and Ramona into her friend’s boutique. In an editing call-back to the mean girls comment, Heather calls out Aviva’s fake leg, and tries to give Ramona, a fellow schmatte maven, a makeover. Much crazy eyes ensues, and Aviva, smug in her wealth and relative youth, gets thrown under the bus. The scene concludes with Ramona pathetically trying to one-up Carole’s pilot news. With wine, of course.